In this era of oceans catching on fire, politicized public health, weaponized misinformation, and fists determined to push power and profit above people and planet, a critical response—a means of survival, even—is to insist on recognizing opportunities to celebrate and lean in to them fully, with abundance of heart and spirit, squeezing out every ounce of joy we can muster. It’s like extricating the final drops of water from a sponge at the kitchen sink, one you hope might last a little longer, one that will not mildew on your watch, damn it, one that endures the endless rinsing, rinsing, then vicious wringing of your determination to pull happiness from spaces between impossible moments.
Those spaces are there if you’re willing to look. The ones worth celebrating, that is. They can feel liminal, elusive. But at their purest they offer a beacon of light that can guide you towards whatever potential the world still holds.
The impulse to pursue happiness is a primal one. We see it in the bear shimmying his back against a tree; in the turtle who plays with a basketball; in the pliable dog who rolls over for a scratch. We see it in the couple who takes five gratuitous selfies in the corner at the wedding of beloved friends.
A couple of weeks ago, I was part of that couple. Attending two weddings and a virtual baby shower this month—despite delta, despite masking and travel considerations we might not have faced during “normal” times—reminded me that we have a responsibility to embrace whatever reasons to celebrate arise. It was always important, but perhaps especially now.
Our impulse to celebrate—being alive, being in love, being so full of hope you might burst—however stifled it may have felt these past two years, however foreign it can seem next to sadness, however pointless it might look pitted against all the lives lost, deserves a fighting chance. Sometimes, I think it could save us.
Social psychologist Fred Bryant is known as the father of research on savoring. His work proves that “being mindfully engaged and aware of your feelings during positive events can increase happiness in the short and long run.” The advice he gives those who want to practice savoring the sweeter parts of life is simple: It requires you to notice your positive feelings; share them with others; sharpen your sensory awareness; and actively avoid negative feelings.
Increasing happiness is always welcomed, but psychologists also believe that the act of celebrating releases chemicals in the brain that have positive physiological effects throughout the body. Oxytocin can help injuries heal; noradrenaline improves focus; and endorphins diminish pain. You can’t go wrong with that.
“Being mindfully engaged” with your feelings “during positive events” and savoring them sounds easy enough, but since today’s cultural turmoil runs so deep it has completely overpowered the knowledge that we have entered a period of man-made mass extinction and rampant climate disruption, it is easy for the most sensitive and aware among us (and don’t forget, being sensitive is a superpower) to feel helpless and overwhelmed.
But party on, I say, in Wayne’s words—safely and thoughtfully, of course. Virtually, if you must. Mary Oliver puts it like this: “When you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t wait. Give into it… Joy is not made to be a crumb.”
Between you and me—
The animals-seeking-happiness example that first came to mind as I was writing this was “otters floating along holding hands.” I replaced them with the turtle when my research revealed their hand-holding is a safety measure meant to keep them from floating away from the group, not an expression of affection and delight. But, anthropomorphism aside, it still makes me happy! Otters holding hands! So I’m sharing that with you here.
If you’re new to WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE and enjoyed today’s topic, last year I did an entire series on joy in dark times that I’d love to share with you: It explored the contrast of grief and joy with the help of two beloved writers; looked at the experience you, my readers, had with joy in 2020; featured a conversation about seeking happiness between two dear friends; and offered one way to deal with your struggles—which is to invite them in for tea. Yes. For tea.
In other news, John, Herbie and I are officially back in one place after our fall travels. Thank you for reading each desert dispatch; I am grateful for your eyes, minds, and hearts and feel so lucky you share them with me here.
My favorite pieces inspired by our road trip west were about 1) places where coyotes still howl and stars still twinkle and 2) the thing that makes room for blessings. I also enjoyed writing about how storytelling connects me to strangers on the road and looking at Georgia O’Keeffe’s rocks.
Hang tight. Party on. Take care out there.
WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE is written by Lauren Maxwell. If you enjoy this newsletter, please consider supporting it by becoming a sponsor. You can also click the heart, share online, or forward to a friend. It all helps!